For Those About To Die

 For Those About To Die: Being a Complete and True Account of How Humanity Turned the Apocalypse into Dinner Theater . . . Part 1: The Brand New Big-Ass Atom Smasher The brand new 'Big-Ass Atom Smasher' (official name pending trademark approval), which had been humanity's crowning achievement for exactly seventeen minutes was, unbeknownst to them, about to transmogrify into their most expensive doorbell. The year 2042 had been particularly festive in terms of impending doom. The Great Climate Wars were in their third season, nuclear powers were playing an increasingly spirited game of "Who Blinks First," and social media had evolved into a new category of virtual weaponry. Humanity had achieved such magnificent heights of self-destructive creativity that alien civilizations were reportedly selling tickets to watch Earth's finale from a safe distance. Dr. Miranda Pestilence adjusted her radiation goggles and cackled with the refined madness that only comes from...